Last time I wrote to you I had just become a mother. Oh man, does motherhood not change everything? I needed a break. I needed to take in my new world and learn and grow in it.
Now, I have two children, and a wonderful husband. God has been so good to me. His ways have always been good. I wouldn’t want it any other way and I couldn’t have written a better story if I tried. I always thought my wedding day would be my happy ending. But it was just the beginning of a new life, a new love, and the new woman that God was making me into. I do feel very different than the girl who wrote those blog posts. So it didn’t feel right to keep writing on the same blog. Not to say that all those words aren’t important or true at all, and I’m still leaving them up for you to read. I just need a clean slate for all the new things I am and the things that I am learning. I am stronger, and more compassionate, and less selfish than I once was. I am wiser and more clueless in a lot of areas as well. Motherhood will do that to you.
Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. It’s not for the weak or the selfish.
So much of motherhood is “in the weeds.” Stepping from one phase to the next, doing your best, trying to figure out the best way- His way of doing things.
I used to speak in front of people, now I clean up Mac and cheese and fill up sippy cups. My words were read my thousands and now I repeat the same words over and over and over. My calling used to be to speak my heart over my blog and instagram and now my heart is living and breathing in two little babies that God stitched together inside my body. (Does that thought ever get old?)
I used to say that worship is not just for Sunday morning. It truly is in the way we live out every day life- perhaps even MORE than Sunday morning. It’s what we do when no one is looking, and so much of what we do as mothers is while no one is looking. Worship is not just what people see.
What I have come to realize is that this- raising my babies- is not what I do in the mean time until I can get back to my worship. It is my worship.
It is what I am literally offering up to the Lord as my sacrifice. It’s the work of my hands. It’s the service that I do for God with what he has entrusted me with. It is the calling right now. Every time I put my baby to bed, every time I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, every time I change a diaper or tie a shoe, I am living out my purpose in this season of life.
And, honestly, I used to think that notion was silly until I became a mom. But, girls, what we do is so sacred and sweet and selfless. Taking care of these sweet souls is the work of the ages. Maybe I’m not meant to change the world, but maybe my daughter will. Maybe my son will. Just maybe they will be my greatest accomplishment.
I don’t need followers. I don’t need an audience. I have everything I need. I have all the equipment I need to do my job, to sing my song, to live out my worship here and now. And while the entire world may not get it or appreciate it, God says it is beautiful.
For those that have stuck around with me, I can only say thank you.
So here I am, here it is. I can’t promise to be here always because I have a job to do. I can’t promise to have the best pictures or style tips. And I definitely don’t have all the answers, but for all of us who have and are walking this journey together, I will share my heart.